Today the new kitchen window went in. This is a far more significant event than you would ever imagine.
But we need to start back at the beginning, when we were on the cusp of buying our first HDTV. Ric had been in the Seattle area visiting our daughters and families for a couple of days, I thought he had left and was on the road, when my phone rang. This was our actual conversation.
Ric: I’m about to have a heart attack.
Me: OMG, where are you?
Ric: Getting close to Tacoma.
Me: OMG, you are driving?!? Pull over and call 911 right now. I mean it. RIGHT NOW. (This was because when Ric actually had a heart attack in 2000, he drove himself to the emergency room!)
Ric: No, it’s not like that.
Me: What do you mean? What’s going on???
Ric: I’m so stressed out I’m about to have a heart attack.
Me: You should not be talking on the phone and driving. Hang up or pull over.
Ric: I can’t, I’m too stressed!
Me: What on earth are you so stressed about???
Ric: I’m worried you won’t let us get a big enough TV.
Me: OMF*G! You are talking on the phone while driving telling me you are about to have a heart attack over the size of a television?!?!?!?!
Ric: If you knew how much it meant to me, you would let me get a really big one because you wouldn’t want me to have a heart attack.
Me: OMG, I have married a crazy person.
Ric: I just wrote a song about it.
Me: While you’re driving??!??!
Ric: Yes, and now I’m about to have a heart attack.
Me: JF*C! I am hanging up now. We will get a tv that fits into the space. Now get off the damn phone. JF*C, what have I done to deserve this?
Ric: I’ll have a heart attack if it’s less than 50 inches.
Okay, there are two things I believe. Televisions are not decor items that should dominate the artful home and bigger is not always better. Many of the televisions I had before meeting Ric were castoffs from someone else. When I bought one, they were relatively small and until fairly recently, black and white. I had already agreed we would go by the formula that with HDTVs you can sit anywhere from 1.5 to 3 times the screen size (in inches) for the best viewing experience. Which, in my mind, was a rational way to determine the size we would purchase. But for some reason, Ric was totally fixated on size (not unusual for men, am I right?). In the end, when rationally applying the formula, it turned out that the size Ric had in mind actually worked in the space, so that’s the size we got.
No reason to get all worked up after all. Total waste of the heart attack card.
And lest you think I am exaggerating, or my narrative has strayed from just-the-facts-ma’am, please listen to Exhibit A: the song Big TV, featured on iTunes and/or Broadjam. No, I mean right now. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
iTunes Store instructions: Search for Ric Seaberg, Click on the album One Thousand Songs, then click on Big TV to hear a free sample. Actually, here’s a great idea. To show your support for me in this narrative, please actually buy the song Big TV. It’s only 99 cents. If there is a surge of Big TV purchases, I can use it to show Ric just how silly playing the heart attack card is. You can also buy it on Broadjam at this link, just look for Big TV in a list of all the songs.
Okay, assuming you have finished downloading and listening to the song, now we can return to our present narrative.
It should have come as no surprise when, a few weeks ago, I got dealt the heart attack card again. This time it was over the kitchen window. In the course of demolition, it turned out we needed to replace the window. No worries. The world is full of windows for sale, we’ll go buy one.
That’s not how it happened. Ric was fixated on this window. It had to have certain features and be exactly a certain way. I don’t even remember what those features and way were. But he made it clear that if his notion of perfection was not attained, he would have a heart attack.
What’s a wife to do?
So I turned him loose, and he went out and found the perfect window. That cost $1,500!!!!!! Not in the budget, of course, but a helluva lot less than a heart attack. It was a custom job, naturally, so we had to wait until it was built, thus explaining the big piece of plywood where a window should have been in some of the earlier photos.
Yesterday, the window was installed. Drumroll please…………………………. here it is:
The most perfect window the world has ever seen
You will see that it is a very attractive window. Very double or tripled layered for energy efficiency. Very nice use of wood. But the most important feature, Ric points out, is the ability to open the window easily without leaning over using the handy turny thing and still have screens to keep the bugs out!!! See for yourselves:
See how the awesome turny thing allows you to open the window without bending over and it opens outward so you still have screen protection!
I daren’t let on that I my first thought was I kinda hoped it would have a little more glass and a little less wood for fear of the heart attack card coming in to play. I confess it is a very cool window, and as far as Ric is concerned, I think it is the world’s best window with the most astonishingly convenient features and it is my favorite part of the kitchen and he is my hero.
Lest I forget to cover the food portion of this post, yesterday was Blaine’s 33rd (!!?) birthday and we ate at California Pizza Kitchen to celebrate (we had a gift card). Blaine had the original BBQ chicken pizza, which he devoured (he had been playing chess with multiple simultaneous opponents for six solid hours and won every game and had only had one bite of brownie the whole time), and two raspberry lemondrops!
We got home so late we were too full and tired to have birthday cake so we are having it for breakfast!
I would write more but I must leave you now. I have some windowgazing to do.