So very much to think about today…

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Twenty nine years ago today my sweet son was born. I’ve been thinking a lot about that day this morning. The fear, the not knowing what was happening, the not understanding what people were saying to me… then the short moment of magic looking into the eyes of my newborn son, already named after my beloved granddad. I saw all of eternity in those eyes. It was something I had never felt, or imagined feeling.

Then he was taken from me, to another hospital across town, to a neonatal intensive care unit. I’m not entirely sure I even knew NICUs existed. In many many ways, I entered a new world that day. Not just the world of motherhood. But the world of families with unforeseen children. The first time I heard the word spina bifida and myelomeningocele spoken aloud. In my heart of hearts I somehow knew this was my last chance at being a mother. Don’t tell a mother her only child might not make it. She will do anything to make it not so.

I still get to be in Blaine’s presence pretty much every day of my life. We still share a lot of ourselves with one another. What an honor for me. What a privilege. He is the sweetest soul I have ever known. The most empathetic human being I believe exists.

I have so very much to think about today…

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