This morning we woke to find that the most glorious member of our newly re-emerged streetscape phallic forest had been decapitated. What kind of villain would do such a dastardly deed, leaving only a nub of a stem behind? Its former stature has been reduced to a point it now appears impotent compared with its smaller neighbor.
Have rogue bands of circumsizers been set loose among us? What was their tool? Please tell me Mike Tyson was not involved.
Be wary, my friends. Evil moves among us.